Walking, work and cuddles

It's been an exciting few weeks! Ben has been learning to walk! I can't believe how quickly he's progressed. To be honest, I am totally astounded by how brave he is. At the beginning he fell over a lot of course, but he just keeps trying. He's started to climb a lot now too, and he'll fail and fall over and over and just keep trying. It's really funny to watch, but also just makes me feel delighted that he has learned so much.

I have got to know him so well over the past few months. It's really special to be able to enjoy him and not have to battle with pain, depression and misery! I had such a hard time the first few months, in many ways, but things seem to be settled now. I have discovered that I have a very sociable boy. He loves to be around people and often goes walking around in the park chatting to everyone and giving them smiles. He's also really funny, trying to make me laugh or copy him. He is very affectionate, but saves all his cuddles for particular times of day, which makes them very special. I am surprised by how different he is to D and me, and yet he really fits in to our family well. I thought he'd pick up on how we are and be similar, but Ben definitely came with his own personality! There is no one like him. He's just brilliant!

Those closest to me know how much of a struggle I've had with deciding whether or not to go back to work. I was due to go back about a week ago, and I thought for a while about returning part-time (only in my job, part-time means 4 days a week which I think would have been too much for us, so it wouldn't have worked anyway). However, the day that Ben started crawling was a turning point for me. I suddenly realised what I could have missed! And since then, seeing how much confidence Ben has when I am there to catch him or give him a cuddle has really confirmed the decision for me. When he is sad or frustrated or triumphant I WANT TO BE THE MUMMY! I don't want someone else to be the one he goes to when he needs comfort, and I don't want it to be someone else clapping their hands when he succeeds. Being a full-time mum is hard work, but it's MINE!!!

Since I last posted, one of my sisters has got married and two of my sisters have become pregnant, so lots of change for our family. I'm excited for Benjamin to have some more cousins close to his age. Seeing my sisters battling morning sickness is not much of an incentive to starting another pregnancy myself, despite the subtle and not so subtle suggestions of everyone who knows my sisters and me! I am finding the frequent questions about when we are getting pregnant again rather rude, although not particularly annoying. I just find it amusing that people think it's any of their business (and I usually tell them so, which has produced some great reactions!). I don't feel in any hurry, probably because D and I are likely to only have two children. When the time is right I'm sure we'll know it is, and we will be even less likely to discuss it with the plebs :)