Sand and water

Do you ever have those days where your usual, everyday responsibilities seem huge and insurmountable? I'm not talking about days where I am depressed and don't want to get out of bed, or can't move myself off the sofa. I mean responsibilities like raising my kids to be strong enough to be righteous, kind, happy people in this frightening world. Or fulfilling my church callings to the maximum of my ability. Or being a good friend to all the people in the ward/my neighbourhood/my life that need me. Or developing my talents enough that I will be considered a good and faithful servant. Or the responsibility to make a difference in this world. Or the goals I have to be rich and famous, lol. The kinds of responsibilities and goals that you can't do in a day and tick off at the end.

At the moment I feel like I am doing so many bits and pieces of these that I am not achieving anything. I take a day to work on sorting out my house and I feel bad that I wasn't there for a friend who I find out later really needed me. Or I spend a day out with my kids doing whatever they want (at the moment, usually either throwing stones into water or going up escalators!) and later feel frustrated that I STILL haven't done any writing, played piano or learned Spanish. I cuddle up for a sleep with Amelia while Ben is in play school, then remember that I was supposed to be going to the gym now that Ben is occupied.

I know life is all about getting the balance, but I can't help but feel I am spread very thinly at the moment. I feel like that visual aid at church where you have a jar: you put in some big stones, then you add smaller stones, then sand and lastly water, and suddenly you can fit in more than you thought. The big stones are the basics, getting dressed, prayer, eating lunch, sleep etc.. Then you can fit in essentials like taking the kids outside, callings or cleaning the house, then you can fit things you should do, looking after friends, exercise, dates, and then you have just enough space to squeeze in hobbies. But I just feel at the moment like my jar has shrunk and I can't get enough life whatever order it goes in!

I'm still seriously sleep deprived and I'm trying to be patient with myself as D recently started his new shift job, which has been a big change for all of us. Maybe I need to just focus on one thing and set aside time that I HAVE to do that thing. I have two problems: one, when the kids go to bed I am so exhausted I usually just want to sleep or do something very passive like watch TV; and two, I have trouble choosing what I want to do most. I have a lot of talents and a lot of things that interest me, and I wish I could do more.

At stake conference a couple of weeks ago, the stake president asked us all to make a list of things that we know will bring us joy in the future, and a list of things that bring us joy now. I haven't done it yet and I think it would really help me to see which things would enrich my life most.

Any other tips?